So last week you caught the best stocking stuffers not named beef jerky...not here you go, the worst.
In case you are wondering...I am 30, I don’t fill my parents stockings and yes I am a very judgemental brat about what mommy puts in my stocking. Call me ungrateful...rightfully so, but here are the things that force me to go full Scrooge.
Top 5 (6..did it again...) Worst Stocking Stuffers:
- Unhealthy, cheapo, mass produced jerky - Nothing like getting a healthy, protein packed bag of jerky...then finding out it’s CRAMMED with MSG, sugars, or blood pressure raising sodium. There’s just too many healthier jerkies out there...like Boston Jerky (another shameless plug, get over it, its our blog) to eat the unhealthy ones! Sasquatches don’t exactly dine on a healthy diet...i’ll leave it at that.
1A. Toothbrushes - Enough is enough, Mom. You know I’ve had an electric toothbrush for like 4 years now...time for you to get a little more creative…I still have the toothbrush from last year...and the year before that...and the year before that..
- Gag Gifts - Fake coal...cute... I’ll admit, I did a little research for this blog. Coal made every list of worst stocking stuffers. I didn’t even know they sold little felt bags of coal. I get it, but I don’t get it. I’d rather you drop the $2.87 directly into my stocking with a post-it that says ‘You’ve been naughty’.
- Holiday Themed Gifts - No mother, I don’t want Santa socks. Today is the only day of the year they are appropriate and guess what...I won’t know where they are 365 days from now when they are relevant again. You know what I would prefer over some Santa Socks?...a bag of ‘Wicked Hot’ Boston Jerky...
- Candy, especially leftovers from Halloween - We’ve made it through Halloween, Thanksgiving, post Thanksgiving week of leftovers...last night’s Christmas Eve feast...and most likely were on our way to another MASSIVE meal for Christmas Day lunch/dinner. The last thing my body needs (other than MSG packed truck stop jerky) is pounds of candy...Mom, I’m eating the healthier Boston Jerky for a reason…;)
- This last one if a toughie..as bratty and inconsiderate as I’ve sounded up to this point, I’d have to admit, besides toothbrushes, my mommy has her Christmas stocking game on point. I’d have to leave the last spot for Items with no real purpose - Gag gifts and nicknacks...stickers, notepads, pens...things that you leave behind or end up throwing away with the wrapping paper. It’s a waste of their money and a waste of my fake emotions...no purpose? No room in the stocking.
Let's wrap it all up. I know, I know...why is cash (part 1) not the best stocking stuffer before jerky? Crazy... think of all the jerky you could buy with Grandpa’s crisp Benjamins. So fine...Cash is #1...and jerky #1A but you have to admit, it’s close.
Don’t agree? Comment the best and worst stuffers you hope and hope not to find this Christmas.
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